Unveiling the GHUNGHAT

I am a girl lived 21 years around the world in the home with typical cultures and traditions with to do details of a girl, what she should and what she should not. Compromise is a day to day letter in the vocabulary of all the female species like me and everything is decided for you ever since you are born. Because the govt. has put the ban over child marriage or else every girl would be married with a kid now. 21^st century and 21 years I am, I love my family and somehow it breaks my heart to go against what my parents have written in their minds for me but at times there are things I want to do for myself and guess what stops me from doing it? “Girl” tag on my forehead and in my genes. I respect every effort this world has put to mould me up and make me what I’m today but why now do I need to STILL do as everyone else please? Why my education is a lot’s of expense while
my brother’s is a necessity. Why I still have to answer every otherwise question before leaving for places and my brother don’t? Why am I still under the “she doesn’t understand” category even after I’ve my own job. I can anytime start a new life and quit the one I behold at the moment. It pisses me of how I am told to handle my expenses on my own and get married and go away. Why am I so less important even when all dese years I have played my part the best I could by not deceiving what my father wished for me. I being so hurt right now have nothing clear in my head all I see is the things I went through. My being or not being somehow don’t matter and my leaving home will only reduce an expense and not break a heart.

I wish my grandfather was here to support me, he always looked at me more like his boy than his girl he knew I can bring forward a change and taught me like I would be a president someday. He so trusted my ability of being there and then that he never gave up on me whatever be the cost of it. Am told that I earn my own salary so I should stop asking for things; does working make me out of the family? Yes I do earn but the most for them. Why am I underestimated about what I can do for them. I have never let them down throughout my life yet why the GIRL mark on my face. Why the statement “you are a girl learn ur ways”

I am so under the pressure of everything already I see nothing going right everything is a mess around and I am not able to focus on anything particular. The same happened in my final examination of grads. I have lost it actually I cant concentrate. I love my family to death and anything for them but there is a little hope right at the end of my sore heart that someday they might see I am not just a girl I have been the daughter; granddaughter and sister before everything else.. before being a girl and before aiming a goal I have kept in mind of where it might take the future that I have with them. I am proud of being a girl I somehow have the feelings that men don’t I care and always will though this emotion has taken away everything I ever wished for still I somehow cherished my being sentimental. I feel things and nothing wrong with that but this feeling things let me down a several times in my life and what I do today it pays but it doesn’t have me content. Banker isn’t something I wanted to be although I have earned a lots of experience in the field met a lots of people known a lots but still somehow it breaks heart that I am not where I wanted to be as a little girl. This isn’t my dream but this is my life. The ghunghat that they put on me for being a girl will continue to be there but when I have a girl child in my womb she is going to be the one without it and no emotions or feelings would lead her the way she didn’t dream of. I am a girl but I do have  a heart and my cries have gone unheard; I have been cursed for talking loud but however high pitched my words were not heard. 21^st century and still hoping things might change.